Gossip: The Friendship Killer

Gossip is when one speaks about others and reveals secrets or intimacies; a report (often malicious) about the behavior of other people or a person given to gossiping and divulging personal information about others. Gossip can also be the breaking of trust of confidential information between two or more people where one or more people reveal something that is private or personal and then the hearer of the information goes out and tells one or more other people. It can also be spreading information about someone that is not based on firsthand information, so it might not be true or is distorted information.

Why am I addressing this topic? What does it have to do with being a Christian? I am addressing it because gossip exists everywhere; even within the church. It is also something that Christians should not be involved in. The Bible speaks negatively about gossip and gossiping. I looked up "gossip" in 11 different English translations to see how many times it is mentioned and the average that I came up with was 12.18 instances, (NASB - 7, NIV - 10, The Message - 49, NLT - 14, KJV - 0, ESV - 4, CEV - 22, NKJV - 1, NCV - 14, HCS - 13) so, I used the HCS (Holman Christian Standard) translation of the Bible to present a good representation of how God speaks of gossip or gossiping in His Word:

1. Psalm 31:13
   I have heard the gossip of many; terror is on every side. When they conspired against me, they plotted to take my life.
   
   
2. Proverbs 11:13
   A gossip goes around revealing a secret, but the trustworthy keeps a confidence.
   
   
3. Proverbs 16:28
   A contrary man spreads conflict, and a gossip separates friends.
   
   
4. Proverbs 17:9
   Whoever conceals an offense promotes love, but whoever gossips about it separates friends.
   
   
5. Proverbs 18:8
   A gossip's words are like choice food that goes down to one's innermost being.
   
   
6. Proverbs 20:19
   The one who reveals secrets is a constant gossip; avoid someone with a big mouth.
   
   
7. Proverbs 26:20
   Without wood, fire goes out; without a gossip, conflict dies down.
   
   
8. Proverbs 26:22
   A gossip's words are like choice food that goes down to one's innermost being.
   
   
9. Jeremiah 20:10
   For I have heard the gossip of the multitudes, "Terror is on every side! Report [him]; let's report him!" Everyone I trusted watches for my fall. "Perhaps he will be deceived so that we might prevail against him and take our vengeance on him."
   
   
10. Ezekiel 36:3
    therefore, prophesy and say: This is what the Lord GOD says: Because they have made you desolate and have trampled you from every side, so that you became a possession for the rest of the nations and an object of people's gossip and slander,
    
    
11. Romans 1:29
    They are filled with all unrighteousness, evil, greed, and wickedness. They are full of envy, murder, disputes, deceit, and malice. They are gossips,
    
    
12. 2 Corinthians 12:20
    For I fear that perhaps when I come I will not find you to be what I want, and I may not be found by you to be what you want; there may be quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, slander, gossip, arrogance, and disorder.
    
    
13. 1 Timothy 5:13
    At the same time, they also learn to be idle, going from house to house; they are not only idle, but are also gossips and busybodies, saying things they shouldn't say.
    

How does the Bible speak of gossip? In the verses above, it is called or grouped together with: betrayal, separation, something that keeps quarrels alive, a corrupter (going down to a man's inmost parts), wickedness, evil, greed, depravity, being idle, busybodies and lying. Not necessarily things that Christians should desire to be associated with. So, why do we allow gossiping within the Christian community? Why do we not call it out and deal with it? I think that it's because the church is afraid to deal with such things as it might upset the balance of the congregation or might offend someone. Have we become so weak as Christians that we have forgotten whom it is that we are following and how He dealt with sin and hypocrisy? It has become a sad day when the church environment is no different than that of the world.

So, the question we should be asking is "if gossiping is spoken of in the Bible as something that is undesirable and something that is negative, why do Christians engage in it?"

James 3:10 - Out of the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things should not be this way. - HCS

One possible answer is that a large number of Christians have worldly attitudes, worldly values and worldly points of view. I say this because the world doesn't necessarily see gossip as a bad thing. What I mean is that some worldly people see gossip as a "means to an end." They use gossip as a way to attack or destroy an enemy or maybe it is just a "natural" way of an unsaved or worldy person to act:

Luke 6:45 - A good man produces good out of the good storeroom of his heart. An evil man produces evil out of the evil storeroom, for his mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart. - HCS.

When something is printed on the front page of a newspaper, one would generally like to believe that it is a true statement of fact. This is not always the case in the world in which we live today. So if gossip exists in the church, does this mean that the world is influencing the church more than the church is influencing the world? Perhaps it only means that their are a plentiful amount of goats among the sheep:

Matthew 25:31-34 - ³¹ "When the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the angels with Him, then He will sit on the throne of His glory. ³² All the nations will be gathered before Him, and He will separate them one from another, just as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. ³³ He will put the sheep on His right, and the goats on the left. ³⁴ Then the King will say to those on His right, 'Come, you who are blessed by My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. - HCS

It also means that there are many weeds among the wheat:

Matthew 13:24-30 - ²⁴Jesus told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. ²⁵But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. ²⁶When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.²⁷"The owner's servants came to him and said, 'Sir, didn't you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?' ²⁸" 'An enemy did this,' he replied. "The servants asked him, 'Do you want us to go and pull them up?' ²⁹" 'No,' he answered, 'because while you are pulling the weeds, you may root up the wheat with them. ³⁰Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.' " - HCS

In both sets of verses from the gospel of Matthew, the meaning is the same...that there are many false converts within the church. You must be careful that you are not influenced by them! You need to be discerning so that you let your light shine within the darkness of this world:

John 8:12 -¹² Then Jesus spoke to them again: "I am the light of the world. Anyone who follows Me will never walk in the darkness but will have the light of life." - HCS

1 John 1:5-10 - ⁵ This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. ⁶ If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. ⁷ But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.⁸ If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. ⁹ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. ¹⁰ If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives. - HCS

Are you caught up in gossiping constantly about others? If so, then you need to repent and ask God to forgive you and to empower you to stop this destructive behavior. This behavior is an addiction that can cause injury, suffering and death. By death, I speak of the death of friendships, spiritual death, your Christian witness, your reputation or your career just to name a few things that you probably value that you wouldn't want to lose. I have personally observed gossip kill friendships, and start other gossip by dragging people into other people's private affairs that no one should know about and then cause all of the parties involved to suffer needlessly. This all goes back to keeping confidential information confidential, to not breaching the bonds of friendship and to just keeping your mouth shut. Here are a few Proverbs (not all) describing the good and bad things concerning the mouth:

Proverbs 11:9
With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous escape.

Proverbs 15:2
The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly

Proverbs 15:14
The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly.

Proverbs 15:28
The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.

Proverbs 18:7
A fool's mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul.

Proverbs 21:23
He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.

So remember, do not gossip! Be wise and follow God's Word and you will preserve your friendships and other things that are of value to you. As a Christian you need to pull yourself out of gossip situations and let the light of Christ shine from you instead. May God bless and keep you.