I wonder if we are supposed to be happy. Perhaps someone out there can help me with this. As I observe the world around me, I have noticed that so many people are unhappy and dissatisfied with their lives. Why is this? Are we entitled to "happiness" and are we supposed to stay in a marriage
ONLY until we are no longer happy with our spouse?
I believe that the problem is that we as a nation and culture have bought into the lie that we "must" be happy at any cost! We want instant gratification and feel that we must always feel like we are "in love" with our spouse. The minute that we no longer feel these feelings of "love" and things get tough, we want to find someone new that will be all about us. While it is nice to experience the newness of new found love, it is inevitable that we will also lose the initial excitement and feelings of love that we had at the beginning of any relationship.
In short, every relationship will experience hard times and feelings of distance between spouses. It is inevitable that we will have arguments and, if left unresolved, we will allow our relationships to grow cold where we will then give up on the relationship and will be open to or will start seeking a new relationship, whether we realize it or not. Why do you suppose that the divorce rate is so high in this country? The divorce rate for 1st marriages is
50%; for 2
nd marriages, it's
67%; for 3rd marriages, it's
74%. Notice that the rate increases in every subsequent marriage. Why? Once you take the easy path out of a relationship that God desired to be permanent, it gets easier and easier to take the easy road out of every subsequent relationship.
"It's too hard to stay together," "I'm in love with someone else," and
"I don't love them anymore" are common excuses for ending a marriage. What it comes down to is
"I care more about myself than I do about the person that I pledged to put above myself." Don't you remember the vows that you took when you got married? You promised to take care of the other person, to love them unconditionally forever, to stay with them even if times got tough. Does your commitment mean anything to you? Does your word carry any weight at all? No matter how hard a relationship has become, you have, in some way, contributed to it, good or bad. All relationships are circles; What goes around, comes around. Your attitude contributes to your relationships. Your words have the power to build up or to tear down and you can choose which way you use those words. No matter what your spouse says to you, you have the power to choose to be loving and encouraging to them. You can change their attitude towards you by loving them unconditionally, but it takes courage, patience and time. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither is a good relationship. Relationships are only as good as the time, love and effort that you put into them. If I have a garden and don't tend to it, it would be full of weeds within weeks. Relationships are like gardens in the same way...if you don't continually spend time caring for your relationship, it will be full of weeds as well and will fall into decay and ruin.
So far, I've left the Bible out of this conversation. But what does God's Word say about divorce?
Malachi 2:15-1615 Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.
16 "I hate
divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.
Matthew 5:32-3332 But I tell you that anyone who
divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the
divorced woman commits adultery.
33"Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.'
Mark 10:10-1210When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this.
11He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.
12And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."
1 Corinthians 7:10-1410To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.
11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.
13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.
14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
1 Corinthians 7:26-2826Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are.
27Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife.
28But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
According to the Bible, God meant for marriage to last for life. Divorce only makes things harder, especially if children are involved. God tells us to remain married, even in crisis. Why would God tell us this? Aren't we supposed to be "happy?" Is "happiness" supposed to be our goal? Not according to God. If it were not in our best interest to remain married, don't you think that God would allow us to divorce without consequences? We must remember that what God has spoken in His Word is the Truth. If we value Truth, then we should follow God's instructions as it is in our best interest to do so. If we cannot handle the "troubles" that we will face in marriage, then we are told to remain unmarried
(1 Corinthians 7:28).
Also remember that God says that
"He who
finds a
wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD."
(Proverbs 18:22) Why does God says this and also say that married people will face many troubles in this life? Perhaps it's because anything worth having that is considered to be "good" will not be easy to maintain. Since we are a fallen race, then things are going to be hard. Life is hard as it is, so why would a relationship be easy?
In closing, I want to share something with you...I have discovered the secret of life. Read the scripture below and pay particular attention to the bold words which I have made bold for emphasis:
Philippians 4:1o-1310I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it.
11I am not saying this because I am in need, for
I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Contentment is the secret of life. If you can learn contentment regardless of the situation or circumstances, then you, too, can avoid the "happiness" search. Of course, the biggest Truth that is revealed in the above verses is that the strength needed to be content in every circumstance comes from Jesus Christ. He is the One that gives grace and strength to those who belong to Him. Do you belong to Him? I pray that you do. How do you get to know who He is? Read His Word, repent of your sins, obey what you read and pray for His strength. Abide in Him every day, meditate in His Word and show His love and remember that it's not about you. It's about Him.